Yo! Dummy. Unplug the Juicer.
Have
you ever read those books written by those nonconformists that go on
hiatus for a year? They travel around the world discovering the benefits of
eating strange foods from the Philippines, Malaysia, Ancient China, or some
tribe in the middle of the Peruvian jungle who's name sounds like the indiscernible
mumblings of an exuberant 1-year-old. They have these life changing adventures
and then sell millions of dollars in memorabilia. Why is it that if you travel
around the world eating slugs and fried cockroaches that you are suddenly an
expert of all things healthy?
It's
probably because people like me read those books and think Wow, gotta try that. Maybe we have an internal drive to be as
healthy as possible... or perhaps we're living vicariously through those
eccentric people and have somehow concocted the notion that if we eat like
them, we're one step closer to gallivanting around the world ourselves. Either
way, I've decided that I'm going to juice for Hubberkins and me.
As
an overly-enthusiastic, newly-married wife would do, I set out to get up every
morning at 6am to work out with Hubberkins and then make a delicious breakfast
for him, complete with fresh juice. Well if you've read my blog post on the
Butt Crack of Dawn, you'll know that 6am is not my forte (what was I
thinking?!). Yet, with the same unrealistic cheery-ness of a Disney Princess, I
soldiered on. The first morning, I woke to Hubberkins' alarm (which is our
wedding song... awwww) and rolled out of bed - literally, I rolled out of and
off of the bed. As it turns out, my legs and arms don't like 6am; they refused
to engage when called upon. Note to self: vacuum under the bed.
I
struggled through my yoga routine looking less graceful and more ridiculous
than the hippopotamuses in Disney's production of Fantasia (click here for a visual).
Cutting the act short, I decided to move on to the juice. We have a Breville
juicer that has a 4-part assembly process. Well... I got two out of the four in
the right place. Just so you know, the machine won't turn on with two out of
four pieces in place... However, it will turn on with three out of four pieces
in the right place. When that happens, - if you're anything like me - you've
juiced 2 cucumbers, 2 carrots, and a lime before noticing that all of that
delicious liquid has created a stunning waterfall of greens and oranges down
the front of your cabinet. Yep, you don't realize that you're standing in your
husband's breakfast juice until he walks in the kitchen still sweating from his
morning jog and snaps you out of your lethargic trance.
So
much for being healthy. I guess it's back to cereal for breakfast.
Stay tuned for next week episode: Touchdowns in the Fart Zone
